The Telephone

Now, I dislike the phone normally. I don't use it very often, so it would be easy to see how I much I hate the phone when I'm at work. The pharmacist doesn't usually answer the phone unless I'm otherwise busy, and thus, cannot do it.

Here are the normal scenarios for phone calls to my pharmacy:

Scenario One: I pick up the phone, and rattle off my standard greeting, "Yes this is so-and-so from the such-and-such clinic calling in a prescription."

"Alright, I'll get you the pharmacist," and then I put them on hold and pass the buck.

Scenario Two: I give my greeting, "Yes this is so-and-so, and I need to refill prescription number blahblah."

"I'm sorry, but could you wait just a moment? I'm not at the computer just yet. Alright, what was the name again?"

"So-and-so. The number is-"

"I need to wait for my computer to catch up with me. Just one moment, please... Alright, the number?"

"Blahblahblah. When will that be done?"

"Within the next twenty to thirty minutes," I then see if they need anything else before hanging up the phone and sighing. It's a minor annoyance, but one hundred minor annoyances throughout the day really do tend to add up.

Scenario Three: This time, I usually end up being able to spit out that we're a pharmacy before they start in with, "Yeah, my name is blah, and I have this rash? It's all over my junk, and I think I got it when I used some weird lotion? What would you suggest for that?"

"......... That would be something the pharmacist would need to answer. Gimme a moment, and I'll grab him for you," then I get the pharmacist while trying really hard not to laugh.

Scenario Four: "Hi, someone from this number called me, and I was wondering why?"

"Um... I'm not sure, ma'am... Your name?"

"Mary Sue (blah was getting dull)."

I try to look up this customer, and we don't even have records for them, "I'm sorry, Mary, but I can't find you in our system... Give me a moment, and I'll ask the pharmacist if there's something he needed to speak with you about." Pharmacist confirms that he has no frigging clue who the woman is, or why we might have called her, "I'm sorry, again, but the pharmacist says he hasn't called, and I haven't called... We're the only two here, so I'm not sure why this number would be coming up..."

"But someone from there caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalled meeeeee!" That high pitched whine? Yeah, thanks for blowing my eardrum.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but without knowing who called, or why, I really have no way of telling you."

Believe it or not, this conversation will play the merry-go-round game for about five minutes before I can convince them that I really can't tell them why the hell our number shows up on their caller ID.

Scenario Four: Guy calling and either jokingly or seriously asking me if he needs a prescription for Viagra. I tell him yes, but if he doesn't want to get a prescription, there are several over the counter medications available on the sales floor. The ones who are joking are always shamed into hanging up at my nonchalant answer, and the serious ones sputter about how embarrassing it would be to ring something like that through the register. I tell him that he could always ring it up at the pharmacy, and the pharmacist should be able to show him which one is most like Viagra, since there are a few different brands available.

The pharmacist then says he hates me for dooming him to help a guy out with finding OTC erectile dysfunction medication. I just smile and remind him that this is exactly why he went to school for so long to become a pharmacist, and I didn't.

As for outgoing calls... Nine times out of ten, it's me having to call insurance companies, and we all know how much I love insurance companies. The other times, I'm attempting to reach customers who have had scripts sitting there for seven days or more, or there was an issue with filling their prescription and we want to tell them about it before they waste a trip in here. Those times, I usually get an answering machine, and when I get an actual person, the call is still done in under two minutes.

And everyone who has worked with me behind the counter looks at me funny when I tell the phone to shut up.